Managing Relationships Fairy and  Communicating Honestly  Handouts


  I.      Introduction: High Flying Geese

  II.    Cultivating the leader-follower relationship

            A.  Leaders must have followers

            B.  Leaders influence others to do what needs to be done

 III.            Qualities of the healthy and effective relationship builder

            A.  Compassionate

                         1.  Evokes trust by genuinely caring about people

                                    a.  Cares about people

                                    b.  Aware of employee concerns

                                    c.  Available and ready to help

                          2.  Fosters trust

                                    a.  Competence

                                    b.  Congruence

                                    c.  Constancy

           B.  Manages a relationship through mutual respect

                        1.  Treats everyone with fairness and dignity

                        2.  Unleashes the talents inherent to the collective mixture of employees

                        3.  Offers promotional opportunities in a fair and objective manner

                        4.  Values differences in people

                        5.  Diversity initiative

             C.            Effective communicator - interpersonal “savvy”

                         1.      Builds constructive and effective relationships through interpersonal 


            2.  Uses diplomacy and tact

                        3.  Able to diffuse volatile situations

 IV.        The payoff of the healthy leader/follower relationship Flying Geese)

                         1.  Coordination

                        2.  Cooperation

                        3.  Sharing mutual work

             B.  Partnership - interdependence

                         1.  Working effectively with others

                         2.  Sharing responsibility and recognition along with personal accountability and responsibility


Geese, like all birds, are able to fly because they have open-ended lungs.  Most air-breathing animals, like humans, have lungs that are basically enclosed sacs.  We draw the air in to cleanse the blood and then exhale it.  But in birds, the air passes right through the lungs to a system of air sacs extending throughout the body, including the larger bones.  This indicates how an otherwise earthbound creature remains buoyant in both air and water.  When geese fly, they are upheld by the air around them but also by the air within them.

         In addition to flying faster in a v-shaped community, geese take turns sharing the lead.  But at the same time, the lead goose in the formation actually is not doing anymore work than the rest.  Apparently, there is an aerodynamic principle at work called “upwash,” which means that the beating of all those wings creates a current of air that pushes the whole formation along.  Even the goose flying in “point” position is lifted up and propelled forward, creating an amazing synergy.  Because of this phenomenon, flocks of geese have been known to travel as many as 1, 700 miles in two days.  No goose flying solo could survive such a trip.

from Reclaiming Soul in HealthCare  


Encouragement Index

How frequently do you typically engage in this behavior? Write the number from the scale below that best describes your response to each statement.

              1                   2                   3                       4                            5                

Almost never     Rarely     Seldom     Once in  awhile     Sometimes     

            6                   7             8                   9                           10

Fairly  often      Often   Usually      Very Often         Almost always

1.___ I make certain we set a standard that motivates us to do better in the future than we are doing now.              

2.___ I express high expectations about what people are capable of accomplishing.                                                  

3.___ I pay more attention to the positive things people do than to the negative.                                     

4.___ I personally acknowledge people for their contributions.                                                               

5.___ I tell stories about the special achievements of the members of the team.                                        

6.___ I make sure that our group celebrates accomplishments together.                                               

7.___ I get personally involved when we recognize the achievements of others.                                      

8.___ I clearly communicate my personal values and professional standards to everyone on the team.            

9.___ I let people know I have confidence in their abilities.            

10.___ I spend a good deal of time listening to the needs and interests of other people.

11.___ I personalize the recognition I give to another person.

12.___ I find opportunities to let people know the why behind whatever we are doing.                                                  

13.___ I hold special events to celebrate our successes.                  

14.___ I show others, by my own example, how people should be recognized and rewarded.

15.___ I make it a point to give people feedback on how they are performing against our agreed-upon standards.

16.___ I express a positive and optimistic outlook even when times are tough.

17.___ I get to know, at a personal level, the people with whom I work.

18.___ I find creative ways to make my recognition of others unique and special.

19.___ I recognize people more in public than in private for their exemplary performance.

20.___ I find ways to make the workplace enjoyable and fun.      

21.___ I personally congratulate people for a job well done.

 ______ TOTAL (add together all the ratings above; the lowest possible total you can have is 21, and the highest is 210).  




186 - 210 - When you look to your department you see great productivity, high morale, positive, upbeat behavior and great appreciation.

 126-185 - Productivity is good but it could be better. There is some room for improvement. . Some grumbling in the ranks but generally everyone seems pretty happy to be at work. You recognize that something might be missing and you are trying to figure it out.

 66-125. People are not up to speed and you probably know it. People are working when they need to and when you are watching. You know something is wrong but you're not sure how to find the solution.

 21-65 - (Your score is probably not that low; you may be being too hard on yourself.) There is obvious discontent in the ranks. But you are in a position to do something about it.


                         1999 by James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner.  The Encouragement Index.



   I.            Importance of Effective Communication

            A.            Communication and Work

            B.            Communication, the Employee, and the Customer

  II.            Defining Communication

            A.            Flow of Information

            B.            Sender - Receiver

            C.            Delivery

                        1.  Formal

                        2.  Informal

                        3.  Non-verbal

 III.            Leader’s Role in Communication

            A.            Transmitting Information/fluidness of information

            B.            Multi-directional

            C.            Objective and Factual

            D.              Complete

            E.            Credible

            F.            Timely 

IV.            Principles of Effective Communication

            A.            Organization and Clarity

            B.            The Power of Words

            C.            Establish commonalities

            D.            Don’t assume good understanding

  V.            Barriers to Effective Communication

            A.            Physical

            B.            Poorly Organized Message

            C.            Refusing responsibility

            D.            Not Allowing Feedback

            E.            Receiver - Block

            F.            Semantics

 VI.            Common Misconceptions

 VII.       The Art of Listening

            A.            Importance

            B.            Principles

            C.            Levels of Listening  




PASSIVE STYLE (Non-Assertive)


ATTACK STYLE (Aggressive)   

Allows others to choose when, where and what will happen

Uses the word I, showing ownership of feelings and needs 

Uses the word “You” to send messages that hurt, accuse, or blame

Avoids saying what he or she wants or feels 

Negotiates clearly and directly for what is

Uses threats, labels, and putdowns

Asks to be turned down with such expressions as, If you wouldn't mind...  

Leans forward in a relaxed manner and eye contact 

Sets up “win-lose” situations rather than negotiating

Gives up if the first request is refused

Makes references to specific behaviors

“Ambushes” people when they are unprepared or preoccupied

Uses such empty phrases as you know or I mean 

Uses active listening to find a “win-win” solution

Listens little or only to what he or she wants to hear

Hides real feelings to avoid disagreements

Sets a convenient time to discuss or negotiate things

Exaggerates with such words as always or never

Uses many vague words hoping to be understood 

Avoids exaggerating with words such as always or never 

Manipulates and chooses for others

Manipulates through a helpless, “poor me” attitude 

Keeps the communication short and simple

Uses one-upmanship

Criticizes what he or she does and apologizes often

Calmly repeats appropriate requests 

Intimidates others with an exaggerated
 show of power

Critizes what he or she does and apologizes  

Calmly repeats appropriate requests 

Intimidates others with an exaggerated show of  

Cowers in posture, voice, and manne

Threatens others in posture, voice, and manner  


Effective and Ineffective Use of Nonverbal Modes of Communication



Ineffective Use

Effective Use



Given fully to talker


Distant; very close

Approximate arm length





Slouching; rigid

Relaxed but attentive; seated leaning slightly toward

Eye contact

Seated leaning away



Absent; defiant, jittery

Responds at first opportunity; share time with them

Feet and legs

Slow to notice talker;



In a hurry

Used to draw people together

Facial expressions

Used to keep distance

Matches your own or other’s feelings; smile


Compete for attention with your words

Highlight your words; unobtrusive; smooth


Obvious, distracting

None, or unobtrusive

Voice: volume

Very loud or very soft

Clearly audible

Voice: rate

impatient of staccato;  

very slow or hesitant

Average, or a bit slower

Energy level

Apathetic; sleepy; jumpy; pushy

Alert; stays alert throughout a long conversation

Dress: grooming

Sloppy; garish